OK, I admit ... parts of the last few months have been pretty tough. I know the same is true for many people who have been dealing with both global and personal crises.
Knowing that there are lots of other people who have it far worse has, at times, helped me to have a sense of perspective. But it isn't always helpful either ... because if you're having a bad day, feeling guilty about it because you "shouldn't be" does not, I can attest, make it any better.
A better strategy, for me at least, has been to focus on and recall the good stuff. The gratitude diary I kept in the early weeks of lockdown certainly helped.
As we at least partially emerge form lock-down, I thought I'd look back and pick out a few of the positives of this strange and unsettling time we are living through, focusing specifically on those things which have not only been positive during lockdown but which (probably) wouldn't have happened without it.
In no particular order, here are five which came to mind:
I've owned a bike for years. It has cluttered up the hallway in the flat ever since we moved here, but been used very rarely. And then the city closed down around us. Public transport use was banned or at least strongly discouraged. And we were only allowed out for an hour a day. On foot, you can't get very far in that time, so if I wanted to get beyond the city centre I was going to have to get my bike out. That motivation, coupled with empty streets which definitely boosted how safe I felt, was what I needed to get back on my bike. I am so glad I have. I have really enjoyed getting out and about on my bike and, now that my confidence, and the habit, is established, my hope and intention is it is something I will continue with.
The routine of daily prayer I am committed to at Carrs Lane is of great value to me. I have tried, and often failed, to explain why and how many times. One of the things, though, which at times has been a struggle, is not being able to find ways to really share it with others. There is something very special about committing to a routine of prayer. There is also something very special about knowing you are praying with others. As the decision was made to lock the doors to the building, we needed to find new ways to continue this aspect, the being open to praying with others part which has always mattered to us. Cue live-streamed prayers on facebook and suddenly, a community of people praying together every day. Not being in the same physical space has not detracted from this sense that, in a way we have never known in all our time here, we have found a way to have a sustained community prayer with others. I deeply appreciate it, I hope the others who are part of it do too.
In the strict early days of lockdown, options for getting out were, as we know, very restrictive: but, for me at least, certain positives came even from this. Knowing my outdoor time was strictly limited made me prioritise enjoying it. In "normal" life, as was, I generally get out and about, with lots of walking built in to my normal routine: but it took lockdown limits for me to commit to ensuring I went out absolutely everyday, come rain or shine. Walking (and cycling) became less functional, more enjoyable. I learned (albeit imperfectly) to be more fully present in the moment, focused on the activity and the surroundings rather than my brain always whizzing ahead to the next thing. noticed things which I've undoubtedly passed many times without ever seeing. Repeating the same walks and cycle rides regularly meant I watched the seasons change before my eyes: I noticed different flowers bloom and fade along the canals; I saw buds and blossom come and then go, I watched families of ducklings grow up. At the same time, limitations on travel further afield has also meant I have explored parts of Birmingham I've never really visited in my time here. Perhaps none of this should have needed lockdown, but it did. Hopefully, however, they are lessons learned that won't be quickly forgotten.
It's true that, in theory at least, this project didn't need lockdown to come to fruition. But every other time I've thought about doing it, it has remained just that, a thought. Whereas this time I felt able to carve out the space to actually put the necessary time into the editing to make it happen. I am, as I wrote in a previous post, extremely pleased with the result.
There is, something deeply satisfying about growing things. We have always had a few houseplants on our windowsills. Early on, we tried to grow things on the roof but the seagulls always had other ideas. But when lockdown arrived, and the building was closed to the public for the foreseeable future, we suddenly had lots more space to play with. The space behind the full-length glass windows in the foyer are, it turns out, perfect for growing things. Admittedly, I probably would have tried to get hold of dwarf sunflower seeds if I'd known just how tall the ones I found in a random packet were going to grow, but I have found it very pleasing to watch seeds germinate, poke up through the compost, and finally flower. I wonder whether, when the building reopens, I'll be allowed to continue my little gardening efforts ...
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